Found

I think I might be back! Or at least temporarily cured from my running burn-out.

I am not sure when it happened.  Sometime around training for the Cleveland marathon last spring or just after but I was just done.  I wanted nothing to do with running, reading about running, even thinking about running.  But I continued on for so many reasons that make absolutely no sense.  Finally I had to step away starting this past summer.  Not 100% but I definitely had no plan, focused on the gym, and stopped worrying if I worked out at all.  It worked for the most part only because it was so hot outside!  Ultimately I even stopped reading most running blogs.  Too many times I would get more depressed after reading about everyone's awesome achievements.  I found myself comparing me to all of you and getting jealous.  I was happy for everyone but I couldn't help feeling like the only who didn't love running all.the.time.  I didn't like what I was feeling and how that was transcribing into my daily life.

For me, I had to step away and realize that over the last 9 years running has been a roller coaster of love and hate.  Breaks are what I need; sometimes those breaks last longer than a week and even go on months.  I needed to realize I don't always have to compete.  I shouldn't compare.  I need to run for me and me alone.  It's okay to not love the running.  And it's okay if I don't go out there and do a weekly speedwork/tempo/hill/long run and instead run 4 easy runs.

This past weekend I headed out in the spitting rain to get some miles in.  4 turned to 5 turned to 7.  I actually seemed to have felt the endorphins kick in around 4 1/2 ;) I found purpose once again in the sweat.  The sweat that only comes from one kick ass run.  

For now, I'm on the way up.  I am back to getting looking forward to runs, itching to get out there on the lakefront path.  I'm back up to double-digit weekly mileage and considering a half for fun later this year. I'll ride this upswing as long as I can and make sure to keep my eyes open for signs of overtraining.

feeling germy

Ever since I started traveling for work (nearly 10 years ago now - gah!) I've wavered in between being a complete germaphobe to being conscious of the germs and carrying my antibacterial lotion with me everywhere.  There becomes a point where you just can't sanitize everything and really don't want to think about it each week.  I kept telling myself sometimes germs aren't such a bad thing (how else did you build your immune system in the first place?). For as much as I do travel I can count on my hand how many times I have been sick over the last 9 1/2 years.  I thank my constant hand washing and use of Bath and Body Works antibacterial lotion (I just like this product because it's easy to carry and doesn't dry out my hands; they don't know who I am from the next person shopping at their store)

So I've been living my little travel bubble for awhile then this past weekend I saw Contagion (an excellent, well acted/directed/filmed movie).  I recommend it if you can handle the "germ-i-ness" because although it is fiction the story is all too realistic/feasible.  Immediately following the movie I was fine.  Not a thought about the old movie theatre and how many people have sat in that seat and touched that armrest before me over the many years it has been open!  Then I left for another business trip and now I seriously can't stop thinking about everything I touch in a single day while traveling.  I know this will pass but it is currently freaking me out :)  If anything, at least the movie has made me more aware of how many times I touch my face and the fact that I need to stop doing that so many times a day.

Now did I just creep you all out too?

my own run to remember

We all know where we were 10 years ago.  I was 22 and had graduated from college only 2 months earlier.  I was without a "big girl" job still working at the Gap and living with a college friend in a high-rise on the northside of the city.  I had slept in late because I had to work the later shift.  My dad had been in downtown Cleveland for a trial and was evacuated just after the 1st plane hit.  He frantically tried to call me but I had left our house landline in the living room under blankets and was ignoring my cell.  I woke up mad at the world for being woken up, laughed at my dad, then realized it was no joke as soon as I could find our remote.  My roommate was actually home so I woke her up and we just stared at the television with tears in our eyes not knowing what to do.  There were still rumors about Chicago being on the list so we anxiously looked out the window facing downtown.  

Then I had to go to work... at the Gap.  Seriously who wants to buy the new fall sweater on a day like this!  I drove into work along Lakeshore drive.  The drive is normally a solid stream of cars at all hours.  10 years ago I passed 1 other car.  It was eerie.  No one was out and rightfully so.  I was freaking out about having to be so close to downtown in case something else happened.  And wouldn't you know 2 other people came in to shop over the next few hours.  Finally my manager got the okay to close the store early and I rushed home to "safety"...

Today I decided to run my own run to remember.  6 miles, 1 hour to remember those that were lost, those that ran to and not from the devastation, those that survive, and how far I've and others have come.  Right around the time I had to head into work 10 years ago I left to run along the Lakeshore Drive path.  I only ran part of the distance I drove in fear 10 years ago but I'm happy that I can say it is no longer a scared ghost town of a city.  I can honestly say I have never had a more peaceful run surrounded by strangers on such a beautiful day.

return from vacay, return to real life

I think my body is finally back on CST after returning from Italy last Tuesday.  For nearly a week it was a struggle to stay awake past 8pm each night!  I no longer feel exhausted starting at 2pm either.  Now I'm back on schedule just in time to start traveling for work again.  blah.

The trip was exhausting but only in the best way possible.  The ship was incredible, we met some fun new friends, toured some amazing places, dressed up every night, and had one hell of an experience.  I can't wait to go back!   Also, for the first time in months I slept soundly each night.  I thought it might be all the fresh air, the sway of the boat, or the fact we tried to do everything in each country and returned to the ship exhausted.  Last night I realized while it may have been a combination of all those things I think the primary reason for actually sleeping was because I was finally away from work stresses and not replaying my "to do" list each night.  When we left on the 18th I shut everything off and didn't think about it again until last Wednesday.  It. was. amazing.  I function incredibly well without my crappy job.  If it wasn't for that pesky thing of a paycheck...  No seriously, I slept, I had no shortness of breath, I had no back pain, I ate and drank what I wanted in a reasonable manner and gained no weight.  I wish I could find a way to translate vacation me into real life me!

I'm still editing the 500+ pictures we took over 11 days; currently on day 4 of the trip.  Needless to say it's taking awhile.